Laloo Prasad Yadav

Once Laloo was coming out of Airport. As there was huge rush the security guard told Laloo "WAIT PLEASE" for which Laloo replied "65Kgs" and moved on...

At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo's left tells the bartender,"JOHNNIE WALKER,SINGLE." And the man's companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE." The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, "AND YOU, SIR?" Laloo replies: "LALOO YADAV, MARRIED."

After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quite Sometime, Laloo proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend. "It took me only 5 months to do it," Laloo brags. "Five months? That's too long." the friend exclaims. "You are a fool," Laloo replies."Read the box, It says 5-7 years."

Rabri Devi died and went to heaven (Don't Laugh). As she stood in front of yamraj , she saw a huge wall of clocks behind. She asked, "What are all those clocks?" Yamraj answered, "Those are LieClocks. Everyone on Earth has a LieClock.Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move." "Oh," said Rabri, "Who's clock is that?"That's Gautam Buddha's. The hands have never moved indicating that he never told a lie. "And whose clock is that? "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entire life." Rabri asked, "Where's my Laloo's clock?" Laloo"s clock is in my office", replied yamraj, "I'm using it as a ceiling fan.

Laloo Prasad Yadav was hosting a Japanese Delegation for Business Development to Bihar.The Japanese Emissary was quite impressed with Bihar and he stated,`Bihar is an excellent state. Give us three years and we will turn it into an economic superpower like Japan.` Laloo was very surprised. `You Japanese are very inepicient (inefficient),` he stated.`Give me three days and I will turn Japan into the next Bihar!`

A reporter asked Laloo "What the main reason for divorce?" Laloo replies "Marriage".

Mr . Laloo Prasad Yadav was sitting with his Ministers examining mail . Suddenly Mr. Laloo cried out : ' Look at this letter ! It is addressed to the stupidest man in Bihar '. His ministers tried to calm him by saying : How dare a man address such a letter to you ? '. Mr. Laloo replied sadly : This does not bother me, but why did the postman deliver it at the right address?'

After having resigned as the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides to go modelling. Once he enters the herd of buffaloes and resting his elbow on the back of the cattle he poses for a photograph. Next day the photo appears on the front page of a newspaper. GUESS THE CAPTION !! "Laloo, third from left!"

Once Laloo Yadav, Sonia Gandhi, a saint and a schoolboy were travelling by a private plane. Suddenly the engine caught fire and the pilot came out shouting, "This plane is going to crash! And we have only four parachutes and there are five of us in the plane. Since I am a very important Indian Airlines pilot I am taking one parachute and getting out of here." Saying this he rushed to the luggage area grabbed one parachute and jumped off the plane. Sonia Gandhi said, "Since I am the future Prime Minister of India I am very important and have to live!" She also grabbed a parachute and jumped. Laloo Yadav said, "I am the king-maker of this country, the most honest politician of India and above all the most intelligent person living in this country, and the most intelligent person must live!" Saying so Laloo went to the luggage area, grabbed one and jumped off the plane. The old saint said to the school boy, "There is only one parachute left, and there are two of us. I am an old man and don't need to live any more. You take the last parachute and jump." The school boy said, "Don't worry! There are still two parachutes left with us! The most intelligent person, Laloo Yadav, jumped off the plane with my school bag!"

Following an especially angry argument, Laloo and Rabri went to bed not speaking to each other. Needing to arise early the following morning, Laloo left a note on his Rabri's bedside table that said: "Imartee ki Amma, humko kal bhor paanch baje utha dijiyega." An annoyed Laloo awoke at ten the following morning and rolled stiffly out of bed to see a note on his bedside table: "Barfi ke babuji, paanch baje gaye hai, aapka uthne ka samay ho gaya hai!"

Q:What do they call French Toilet in Bihar? A: La loo

Laloo wanted a special postage stamp issued with his picture on it. So, he instructed his people, stressing that it should be of international quality. The stamps were duly released and Laloo was pleased. But within a few days of release of the stamp, he began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and he became furious. He called the people responsible and ordered them to investigate the matter. They checked the matter out at several post offices, and then reported the problem to Laloo. The report said, "There is nothing wrong with the quality of the stamp. The problem is people are spitting on the wrong side."

Laloo and Bill Gates.

Bill Gates : Namaskar! you must have heard of Windows.

Laloo : Oh yes! most govt. offices we have the single window clearance concept.

Gates : Have you installed Windows at home?

Laloo : I have removed all windows due to increased burgalaries in our house.

Gates(Confused): Then what is the system you operate on?

Laloo : OPERATION ? Yes, I had a Hernia operation last month.

Gates(Sweating) : Hope the internet is being used a lot in India.

Laloo: Oh Yes! Due to increased moquito problems many people are sleeping under the net.

Gates: By the year 2002 India should export computer chips.

Laloo: We are already exporting Uncle Chips.

Gates(Feeling very Uneasy): Do you regularly use LapTops?

Laloo: My grand-child sleeps on the top of my lap.

Gates(Sweating Heavily): The Chief Minister of Andhra Pradesh knows a lot about RAM and ROM.

Laloo : RUM? Prohibition is being lifted and it will be shortly available in A.P.

Gates(Feeling Dizzy): I would like to take your leave before my system crashes.

Laloo: I have exhausted all my leave.

Gates: I have no energy left, let us go out and have a bite.

Laloo: BITE? I believe in non-violence. I will not bite.

Gates: (System Crashes and Found Missing). "Windows is restarting.Please wait............."

Local Call

Our three respected Indians,Vajpayeeji,Chandrababu Naidu and,of course,Lalooji go to'narak' after their death. They are very sad as they are missing their people on earth. So, they request the devils to allow them to make a call to their relatives at their respective homes. The devils, out of respect for their high positions, permit them to do so. First, Vajpayeeji calls his relatives in Delhi. He talks for 15 minutes and then passes the phone to Naidu. The latter also calls his state and talks to his wife for 20 minutes and gives the chance to Laloo. Now, Lalooji calls Bihar and starts talking to Rabri Devi. He talks for many hours.

Soon after,the telephone bills arrive. Vajpayeeji pays Rs 150, Naidu Rs 200 and Laloo Rs 50. All of them are surprised how Laloo had talked to his wife for over an hour.Lalooji's reply was simple. He had made a local call to Bihar. How? "Arre bhai BIHAR to pahele hi narak hai" !

During an International conference, three scientists, an American, a German, and an Indian, were talking and bragging about the technological advances their respective countries have achieved in the field of medicine.

The American said "In Washington, there was a baby boy born without arms so we attached artificial arms on him. And now that he's grownup and became an Olympic professional boxer and a gold medalist !"

The German replied, "That's nothing to what we have achieved. Back in Berlin, there was a baby girl born without legs so we attached a pair of artificial legs on her. Now she is a three-time Olympics marathon gold medalist !"

The Indian interjected " Is that all you have achieved , just gold medalists? In Patna, Bihar we had a baby boy born without a HEAD ! We attached a COCONUT and called him Laloo and he has grown up and now he is the Chief Minister of Bihar !"

A man died and was taken to his place of eternal torment by the devil. As he passed sulfurous pits and shrieking sinners, he saw a man he recognized as Laloo snuggling up to a beautiful woman.

"That's unfair!" he cried. "I have to roast for all eternity, and Laloo gets to spend it with a beautiful woman."

"Shut up," barked the devil, jabbing him with his pitchfork. "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"

After much thought and consideration, Laloo Prasad finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillow cases. He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. His plan: When he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven. Several weeks after the funeral,